There are many daughters of all ages who have faced a childhood devoid of the love and affection that any daughter needs from her mother. Unfortunately, despite the idea that all mothers are loving, some mothers simply don’t listen to their daughters, tell them they’re proud of them, or even take the time to get to know them. In fact, they were not abusive by definition, but the emotional scars left on these daughters last a lifetime.
When a daughter has been through that, she needs to mourn the loss. She needs to cry because she didn’t get the mother she deserved . For many women, that can be difficult because of years spent being told in one way or another that they don’t deserve love. Even decades later, they struggle to believe that they are lovable and worthy of respect.
The journey is not easy, and it is different for each woman who goes through it. It’s messy, but it’s worth it to be able to work through the emotional damage that’s been done and be prepared to move forward with the right view of yourself. However, if a daughter is willing to undergo the process, then she can find healing and freedom on the other side.
In most cases, one thing that makes it more difficult for a woman to go through the process is that they have a hard time getting attached to it. They have cut her mother out of her life as they should, but they keep letting her back in, because they keep longing for that love they missed, and they keep believing that she will change. In the end, these daughters always end up hurt all over again and get stuck in a cycle instead of walking the path to recovery.
The best way for a daughter to grieve the loss of a mother’s love is by following the five stages of grief . However, you should keep in mind that these scenes are not steps to follow. They won’t all go for all of them, and they won’t necessarily go in order. In fact, many times women bounce between stages and may go back multiple times or even be in more than one stage at a time. Since everyone’s process is different, this is normal.
5 stages a daughter of a mother who is not loving goes through
Here are the five stages of grief and how they relate to a woman on the road to recovery after a loveless childhood.
This is a stage most women are in for years or even decades. Some part of their mind is aware that there is a problem, but because they also recognize that the severity of the problem is greater than they can handle, their brain shuts it down and refuses to acknowledge the problem as a way to avoid letting more time go by. , pain that can be controlled. For a daughter who was unloved, she doesn’t see how badly her mother has hurt her and she denies the pain , often until her mother dies.
Typically, anger is the way raw pain is expressed, so even though the daughter may be more hurt and sad, she comes out angry. She could be angry at any number of targets, including her mother, her father, her siblings that she believes were loved when she herself was not. Because this anger is masking other emotions, it is often irrational or illogical in its intent and intensity.
In many cases, the only way to get through this stage, and overcome the overwhelming amount of anger a daughter experiences, is to forgive whoever or whatever she is angry with. Forgiveness does not mean that what that person did was right, but it releases the influence that person has over her daughter and allows the daughter to let go of the bitterness toward others that is hurting her.
For unloved daughters, this stage is another one that could last for many years as denial. They believe that if they can accomplish certain things or act in a certain way, they will eventually gain the love and support from their mother that she desperately wants . However, no amount of work will win the appreciation of an unloving mother, leaving the daughter helpless to make any changes. She has to be willing to stop negotiating to move on.
This stage is when feelings of grief and loss finally feel like they are meant to be explored, and it is a critical stage in which to take as much time as necessary. Society likes to tell people to “get out of it” or “stop being sad,” but it doesn’t work that way. To get through this stage and get to the other side, these daughters need to grieve and grieve for as long as it takes to put it behind them.
This does not mean that they accept everything that has been done to them or that everything is fine. What acknowledgment shows is that a daughter has recognized that there has been a loss and accepts that this loss has negatively changed her life. It also means that she is ready to learn to live without her mother’s love and truly begin to heal by forging new relationships.
Although there is no way for an unwanted daughter to change the past, she can overcome it and move forward to improve her future, definitely.